And yes, I wanted to say: The Transcendental Cowgirl Takes on Brock Turner but I backed out…because I can’t. I am yet another woman reading about~yet~another incident involving the victimization of yet another woman. I almost want to say “girl” because I see young woman as “girls” because I understand how long the journey is~up that long and arduous road towards self-becoming.

And my heartache is that it doesn’t seem to be getting better. Why are woman still suffering globally. Why are we still battling against stereotyping, degradation and violence. I don’t even want to use question marks~because they seem to invite discussion and debate~where there should be none.

I put off reading the Brock Turner Victim’s letter. I’d rather fight my own dragons and demons(of which there are many.) My resources are getting thin. I have to be well-equipped for the next leg of my journey.

But then~I think~I need to throw up flares and flags~something~ to warn my sisters of what is to come around the next turn in the road. It doesn’t get any easier. Whatever.

I am what my Mother used to call a Feminarian. She didn’t embrace the Feminist term~she wanted something new. Then I heard the phrase Feminista. I pictured in my head camp-followers and woman soldiers during various revolutions. Yeah, complete with the bandolier. Ready for Action Janet Jackson. But it’s not reality. I am not that strong~most of the time. I destroy my self daily with self-recrimination, self-doubt and guilt for not standing up when I really want to. Even in my most personal relationships. And this is the tricky part.

In work situations in the past, I have found myself dumbfounded when approached in an inappropriate way by clients or managers. I was cowed while being coached regarding an error or concern. I was fearful that I would lose my job when I spoke my mind or offered polite resistance. I tried different techniques~I have a bag of tricks~this man wants me to be feisty and to take control. This man wants me to degrade me~wants me off the forklift and back in the kitchen. This man wants me to not be “emotional” and more like him. This is unending. I have lost myself in all the tricks~the survival strategies and coping mechanisms.

Currently, I work with amazing men and woman. I feel respected and appreciated. But I also know that the tide can change. In the proverbial heartbeat.

I have not even brought how this Wonder Woman dichotomy materializes in our intimate and personal lives. This is the scary part. Even the strongest of woman can be vulnerable. We make wrong decisions~or choose the wrong choice based on incorrect or too little information. We think people have our back or we can be strong and intelligent enough to avoid a danger. But it’s not the reality. The truth is~it doesn’t matter. At thirteen I had a really scary thing happen to me. I thought I knew better because I had watched those movies and shows that clearly showed what was going to happen. But I felt powerless to stop it from occurring. And the powerful thing here is that~the onus is not on the woman~or let’s be honest here~on anyone who is violated~man or woman. The onus is on a society that allows, perpetuates and reinforces the victimization of vulnerable people.

Now, we have monsters roaming the malls, museums and supermarkets grabbing unsuspecting woman and girls and dragging them off like a cartoon caveman.

I don’t know what to say. I read the Brock Turner Victim’s Letter and am blown away by her eloquence. Next, I will steel myself to watch Vice-President Biden’s reading of it. That’s all.